Well, it has been a slightly discouraging past couple of days. Discouraging and challenging. The things I've been dealing with have left me feeling a little down and definitely disappointed, but the cool thing is that right along with them comes the challenging, yet encouraging words of Scripture. I just feel like the Lord is taking me though the time of true transformation as I enter this new stage in life and I am SO excited to see what He does… Even though I know it's going to be hard.
Anyways, even though this is sooo shallow and kind of embarrassing, I'm going to write about it because it helps me think. I'll be honest... I've been so, so, so discouraged about my weight and the way my body looks lately. It shouldn't, but it has seriously gotten me down.And let me just say, the Lord is quick to teach me a lesson in humility. Just when I started to feel a little better about how I look (a.k.a put TOO MUCH value in it), He used a conversation I had with Lance a few nights ago to remind me that I still focus too much on what true beauty is NOT. It's funny how one little comment can eat at you and wear you down until you really notice your flaws. Sanctification, sanctification, sanctification. Anyways, over the past two days I've just felt so unattractive and insecure, which is exactly where Satan wants me. He knows my weak spots and he knows how to push on them and cause pain.
And it's crazy because, as I'm dealing with those emotions, I'm looking at myself going, "You know better. You know better than to find your worth or define your beauty in the way you look." And I do know this! I wrote about it not too long ago. I'm so thankful because these are the words that are constantly on my mind as I fight this battle:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of fine clothes. instead it should be that of your inner self, the UNFADING BEAUTY of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of GREAT WORTH in God's sight."
1 Peter 3:3-4
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"
1 Peter 3:3-4 tells me where the Lord defines my beauty. He is VERY clear that my beauty has nothing to do with the physical. That physical beauty, that we focus so much on? It's not here to stay. Proverbs 31 is very clear about that in verse 30. But unfading beauty? That can be yours. Your spirit is where it is found. And it's hard when you know that everyone, and I mean everyone, bases beauty off of something so far removed from the Word. Every girl desires to be thought of as beautiful… but truthfully, even deeper than that, we desire to be captivating. Captivating is the kind of beauty that encompasses the soul, the spirit, and the mind. Beauty of the physical sense does not run that deep. Proverbs 31 also talks about a woman who, when she speaks, overflows with wisdom. It says her children rise up and call her blessed and that her husband praises her as well. She is defined as a "wife of noble character". That woman is captivating. As Matt Chandler says it in one of my favorite sermons, that woman has cultivated her mind and her soul. She is known for her diligence, wisdom, kindness,her love for the Lord, and her concern for others. Not herself! That is woman who captivates.
Isn't that what you truly desire? Don't you want to be of such inner beauty that people can't take their eyes off of you, and not because of YOU, but because of the beauty GOD has given you in your spirit?? Stasi Eldredge says it so well in the book she co-wrote with her husband. It's an incredible book about the soul of a woman. She says that this woman is so captivating because
"Her soul is Alive. And we are drawn to her."
I so desire that. I know I already said this, but I truly feel like I'm coming into a time of transformation. Everything in my life is about to change and I know the Lord is taking me and breaking me down to prepare me. I.can't.wait.