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Hi! We're Lance and Rebekah Gibson. We are newlyweds happily settled in the Lonestar state. We love lots of things including drive-in movies, game nights, anything involving the lake, and our Lord and Savior.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Hurts

Today was just hard. So hard. One of those days that leaves you feeling just... So defeated and discouraged. And SAD. I know why, too. There are some areas in my life that I've allowed the devil to have a foothold in. I'm ashamed to say that, but there are. And today, he hurt me so bad.  All day long, I was just sad. It started early this morning as I sat at the kitchen table while my siblings got ready for school. Let me start with a little background: I feel like the Lord has been opening my eyes to a lot of things lately regarding my family, specifically the way He wants to use me within my family to change some things. He's opening  my eyes to the kind of leadership I possess here, which is scary and exciting at the same time. Anyways, I've been so excited because I have been trying so hard to answer the call He's placing on my life right now. It's not always easy... Actually, it's rarely easy. BUT I've been seeing God move in our lives. Which is SO incredible! Back to this morning. I'm sitting at the table while my siblings get ready for school... And I get so sad. All I hear is fighting. All I see is what looks like pure hatred towards each other. What's worse is what I DON'T see. All of my siblings profess Christ as their Lord and Savior... But I see almost no evidence of Him in their actions. Now, I am absolutely NOT trying to make myself out to be the saint of the family because that is NOT the case. I'm just saying, when I look at them most of the time, I don't see Jesus at all. And it breaks my heart. And it scares me. I feel so much like a failure for not doing a better job at being an example of a Christ follower. It hurts because I know God has to be disappointed in me. It hurts a lot.  


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All day long, that sadness followed me. It discouraged me so much. Satan took full advantage of that. I just feel like today, he came at me from all sides. I've been reading this awesome book and doing a Bible study that goes along with it. It's about living as a woman with a kingdom-minded heart and learning how to live fully as a woman the way the God designed us. Living with beauty and confidence and passion for Him. I'm learning so much and I love it! I feel such awe when I am in such awe when I think about the first woman ever created and all that she represented. I mean, she was God's finishing touch to all of creation! She was His remedy to Adam's loneliness, the first thing God saw as "not good". Things weren't right without her. I'm learning what my value is. I'm seeing my God-given beauty and purpose for what feels like the first time. I'm seeing the role He created that only a woman can fill in life and also for her husband. I love getting to know God like this. But today, satan was there, stealing my peace and confidence; throwing hateful lies in my face. And I fell for them. "You really think God has a plan for YOU? You fall so short so often. No one will ever listen to you because you don't speak well. You aren't loud enough; you lack boldness. You're definitely not going to catch anyone's eye when they look at you. You definitely don't compare to you-know-who (and there were multiple you-know-whos). She's gorgeous. She's clearly being used by God. Everything in her life is falling into place perfectly. You are nothing like her. How could God use YOU?" On and on and on. All day long. I haven't cried so much in a long time. 


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I know this must sound ridiculous. Dramatic. Silly. Whatever. But to me, for the majority of the day, it was truth. But praise God for being more powerful than anything the devil could throw at me! Praise Him for giving me discernment, when I was finally wise enough to ask, to see the lies of satan for what they are. I'm so thankful for His Spirit covering me. I'm so thankful that I can fail a thousand times and experience His mercy and grace every time, because I fail so. much. I'm thankful that I have Jesus in me. He's all I need. 


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Tomorrow, I'm not going to be fooled. I'm done with that. I've been called to something higher than the falsities fed to me by a jealous fiend. I'm ashamed at how little of a fight I put up today. Tomorrow will not be the same. 


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"Even when the waters rise and the mountains crumble,
I will call on the Name of the Lord



Even when the darkness comes and my world is shaken
I will call on the Name that is power



Your Name, it is power"

2 comments:

  1. you have absolutely no idea how much we were in the same place yesterday. different situation, but all the same & familiar discouragement. thank you for always being so honest with your posts because they really do speak to me every time. God is definitely using you more than you know sweet girl. i know that i don't really know you all that well besides your blog, i am blessed every single time. you make a great difference with your sweet spirit & genuine love for the Lord. It's contagious, you make me want to love Jesus that much more because i see Jesus in you & i see a reflection of that intimacy in everything you post. it's beautiful. i pray that today the enemy has no foothold on you. i pray that your day is filled with confirmation of how much of an instrument you are. you are a beautiful woman inside & out. you are a rare gem. again, thank you so much for this post....

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  2. I can't tell you how much this means to me! The fact that you took the time to give such encouragement to me, who you don't even know that well as you pointed out, says so much about the amazing person you are! Thank YOU so much for the encouragement you've given to me on more than one occasion! I love the way God works in using each other's lives to sharpen and grow us! I'm so thankful for our web-friendship and I wish we could turn it into face time friendship! I hope things were better for you today too. Praying that we both claim the power and peace we have in Christ during these moments of weakness!

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