I've been pondering quite a few things today. . .including why the heck do I use words like ponder?
The main thing that has been on my mind today is a heart-to-heart sort of conversation that Lance and I had over spring break. First of all, let me just say that I haven't been thinking anything negative! Just the opposite, actually. The conversation we had that night was one that brought not only reassurance, but also awareness. I don't know about him, but I was made aware of a few different things. For one, I was hit (yet again) with how incredible he is. He gives so much, not only to me, but to everyone around him and he expects nothing to be added to his name because of it. His passion is for the kingdom of the Lord, not to fulfill his personal desires. This passion challenges me and inspires me, and I am so thankful for the person that he is.
Another thing I realized that night is the importance of opening up to someone, to show them that you love them. . .to tell them that you are a happier, better person because of what they add to your life. That they make you feel beautiful and and special. . .that you look forward to every moment you get to spend together and you think of them often throughout the day. . .that you love them. Some of you reading this may be thinking that I am THE corniest person ever right now. . .and I just might agree haha.
But it's true. He does all of that and more. Yet I still struggled with showing him how much I love him. Which is absolutely. . .RIDICULOUS.
BUT. . .
I have been working on it! Ever since we talked, I have been slowly but, I feel, surely learning how to show what I feel. I have a long way to go, but I really do think I am doing at least a little better. It hasn't been hard either. . .turns out it's pretty easy to let yourself show love to somebody when you know it's right and when you are simply honest about it.
I wonder, though, if he's noticed. I hope he has. Like I said, I know I have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm doing a little better. I want him to know. . .I want him to know that I heard what he said that night, that it mattered to me. That I am trying as hard as I can to be the best me possible and hoping that it makes him happy.
I am definitely happy. :)